I (Judy) will say it. I am burned out. I am tired of COVID, tired of lockdown, tired of seeing people turn a blind eye to racial injustices, tired of a President who spends all of his time bullying other people, tired of figuring out what our next meal will be. I could go on and on (send out the WHAAAmbulance). Today, as I write this, I am mostly tired of my kids. I love them and I still would not trade this time I have with them for anything in the world, but I have hit a wall. Parental burnout is real. It is not like a dumpster fire, it is like a porta-potty fire.
Back in Atlanta, while I was working, I spent 50+ hours of my week (work + commute) away from Lucas and Henry and only saw them about 35 hours a week (including waking hours and weekends). During the week I got to see Lucas and Henry during their crankiest hours; early in the morning and after a long day of school. Since I quit my job I have been averaging about 70 hours a week with them. There are times when they go off and do their own thing, but it does not last long. They gravitate back towards me. It is like Lucas and Henry have homing devices and I am the target.
We are having the time of our lives. Our days are filled with a lot of fun and laughter, but they are still exhausting. Kids require an inordinate amount of attention and energy. As two parents who worked full time outside the home, we did not truly understand what it would be like to be with them full time. COVID has made it more difficult.
Families all over the world are involuntarily experiencing what we intentionally set out to do– spending a lot more time with our kids. After living through this extended lockdown with their kids, I am sure our friends and family have officially decided that we are crazy.
We love playing cards and games with Lucas and Henry, reading books to them, exploring with them and just talking with them. The issue is that Michael and I have been embracing the parent thing so hardcore that we forgot that we still need to unplug from our kids occasionally.
Here are some things that we started doing to help with the burnout:
- We try to give each other 1-2 hours a day kid-free. During this time we can do whatever we want to do — work out, read, nap, work on new business ideas. I take a bathroom break without Lucas or Henry yelling for me (this only seems to happen to me and not Michael).
- We kick the kids out of the house. We tell them that they can do whatever they want (without technology), but they can’t stay here.
- We give the kids technology. This is the kids’ favorite thing.
- We have instituted a date night. Michael and I have dinner together and the kids disappear. They have free reign to do whatever they want to do and they are in charge of their own dinner.
- Agreeing that kid-free time after 9 pm or while we are sleeping does not count as kid-free time.
These small things are working wonders, but it will take time to recover. Despite feeling burned out, I am 100% sure we made the right decision to spend this time together. We do not get these years back. Time keeps marching forward.
Otherwise, our lives are Facebook perfect. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Just kidding, but they are pretty awesome.
